How to Recover When Your Partner Gets Sober

With all the changes that come to relationships with sobriety, there can be feelings of guilt, anger, sadness, shame, and more. When asking whether marriage can survive sobriety, the answer can be yes—if a couple takes a healthy approach to managing their problems and discussing their feelings. It will take time to rebuild trust so it’s important to not put pressure on each other and instead take it one day at a time. In some ways, re-establishing a marriage in the wake of addiction is like dating and getting to know someone new, so it can be helpful to connect on specific date nights. It is vital for couples to have outside support during this time.

On September 7, 2014 I came up for air, for the first time in 10 years. The salty taste of swallowed tears stung my throat, I was still gasping from fear and choking on uncertainty, but a weight was lifted. As I saw him pour an entire bottle of Jack Daniel’s down the drain, my lungs were able to expand, and with each breath my body became lighter and my mind clearer. As he asked me to toss the still closed Coors banquet cans I knew we were going to make it; we were going to be okay.

Have realistic expectations

Professional treatment can help you and your partner cope with the negative effects of substance use. It’s beneficial for you to learn about substance use disorder, including how it affects both your partner as well as yourself. This may help https://ecosoberhouse.com/ you to understand SUD and how addiction works, which can help you separate your partner and the disease. Most treatment methods for substance use disorder involve the family. That means you will likely play a role in your partner’s treatment.

• If the person with SUD suddenly isn’t dependent upon their partner to take care of them, this can cause a disruption in the relationship as well.
• Once he felt comfortable again, his smile and warmth returned along with a new playfulness.
• Our first experience with love and marriage comes from what we learn from observing our parents.
• I tried to take control of my life, but not too much (turning most stuff toward a God I didn’t believe in).
• Remember that it is okay to get angry and express your emotions with your partner.
• How you deal with this one is you use it and you own it and you live it, because there is nothing more beautiful than a human who has no other choice but to be themself.
• If you are in recovery from addiction, it’s important to take things slow when it comes to rebuilding your marriage.

Worse still, there’s no guarantee of sobriety beyond today. “They can also begin to rebuild trust with their partner through this process, which involves increasing transparency and honesty, as well as taking steps to build healthier behaviors,” she adds. At the same time, don’t give up hope—if both of you are truly committed to saving your marriage, building a new and healthy relationship is possible.

TRY TO KEEP A SOBER SHARED SPACE

That’s because codependency is a relationship trait and condition that’s independent of the marriage changes after sobriety substance use itself. In other words, it continues even when the substance use has stopped.

And I was resentful, not of his healing but of the fact nothing had changed. I was still forced to keep it together while he took time to take care of himself. I was still forced to play second fiddle to my daughter and him, my feelings never good enough or worth enough. I was still forced to coddle him—or so I thought—and support him, knowing he hadn’t (and wouldn’t) do the same for me. I was still forced to pretend everything was okay when it wasn’t.